What does it feel like waking up every day and going into the trenches?
A somber feeling takes over when you wake up knowing this is your patient’s 12th day on a ventilator. You can’t help but feel a pit in your stomach. A bad feeling sends a shudder down your spine. However, you must get dressed for another day in the “war zone” where we march to the beat of weakening hearts, hopeful that things will get better someday.
How has COVID-19 changed you as a doctor and as a person?
I am stronger than I thought. I am willing to sacrifice to a degree I thought was personally impossible.
Did medical school prepare you for COVID-19?
How can anything prepare you for a pandemic of this degree? Medical school offered me the tools to help critical patients, for example, which lifesaving blood pressure medication or antibiotic to use. Medical school has not directly taught me how to speak to the daughter of a dying patient, how to comfort her during an unprecedented time.
How are you getting through this?
Knowing that I am not alone helps. Speaking to colleagues and delving into art/literature and exercise!
What miracle moments have there been? Or tell us about a patient who gave you hope.
I have encountered plenty of frail elderly patients who survived this deadly viral infection while on the inpatient service! For example, we had a patient in her 70s who suffered a stroke while intubated for COVID-19 respiratory failure but survived to tell the tale. She is not the only one.
How is your family coping?
Decently. We speak over facetime EVERYDAY. This has helped us both cope.
Has this experience reinforced your decision to be a doctor or made you question it? Can you elaborate?
It completely reinforced my decision to become a physician. The fact that I was willing to sacrifice my own health, time, and emotional/mental energy for patient care is evidence that I am right for the position.
What is the biggest challenge that you currently facing?
The current COVID-19 vaccination rate and the public behaviors that contribute to the spreading of this pandemic (incorrect mask wearing, large gatherings, etc.). I am hopeful this will improve over the next couple of months.
What are you missing most from your life before COVID-19?
Social gatherings! I miss normal time to connect with my friends.
What are you learning through this situation that will carry you through life?
Never taking a single moment for granted because life can end unexpectedly.
When this is behind us, how do you hope we’ll be better prepared for the future?
I will urge patients to continue hygienic habits and obtain appropriate vaccinations to stop the spread of any infectious disease.
— Rinata Azizbayeva, DO, PGY2
Forbes Family Medicine
Allegheny Health Network
See more stories from doctors
